To kick off the proceedings you may be thinking that it's not often that someone uses the words "brutal" and "wedding" in the same sentence eh? Nope. But at the moment that's exactly how I feel. I am literally terrified of my own wedding. Not marrying the Fiance - I am marrying him by choice despite how this sounds. That whole bit - and he - is amazing. In fact I can't wait to marry him. But now the engagement parties have dwindled and we're getting down to the nitty gritty I feel sick to the stomach when I think about the big day itself. All that organisation. The meticulous details. I sense planning my wedding is going to be like having a full time job. As well as actually having a full time job. And writing this blog of course. Where the hell do people find the time?
Which brings me on to the next topic - a small wedding is not an option. I admit wholeheartedly I want the whole shebang, bells and whistles (tasteful bells and whistles, with a nod to vintage) but going up the aisle quietly is not for me. I want it - I just can't face planning it. Where the hell do you start? Literally - where? The church? The venue? The dress? I know I'm already going to be useless at this because I've spent three months already deliberating where to start. But I don't want and can't afford to get someone else to plan it for me.
I always swore to myself that I wouldn't be one of those brides who gets consumed by her wedding and let's it rule her life. At the moment I'm so terrified of it all that I'm internalising the whole thing - every time someone asks me how the planning is going I brush them off and change the subject. It's so bad that I've only just started buying bridal mags, despite being engaged for months - it took me weeks of wondering whether I looked 'engaged' enough to legally buy bridal mags to finally pluck up the courage to buy one. I made sure I flashed my engagement ring at the till just in case the newsagent was in any doubt as to my bridal credentials. So already my non-existant wedding has consumed me. And not with excitement. What's wrong with me?
Until the next time....
The Reality Bride x
