Unhinged Bridal Behaviour Part 2 - Cheating on The One

So, after a serious case of Dress-Shopping Fatigue Syndrome (see my last entry!) I found it. The One. The jaw-dropper and I love it. At least, I think I do. Is it normal to have a few wobbles after you've found (and might I add, paid for) The One?
After trying it on twice I loved it, really loved it - the perfect mix of sexy bride and elegant bride, rolled in to one very slinky, but still very bridal number.
The only thing niggling me is that The One is completely different to how I envisioned it. Given that we are having our nuptials in an English country garden, I envisaged myself swishing about in layers of lacy tulle, looking all English-rosy, not wedding vixen. But when it came to the crunch lace and tulle just didn't look right on me - I didn't feel sexy - and I didn't realise how important feeling sexy as well as pretty was to me, until I found The One.
Don't get me wrong, I've not gone for a split-to-the-thigh number or decided to channel Modern Family's Sofia Vergara (if only!), my dress is still very bridal, but it has just the right amount of va-va-vroom. Or so I thought, until, once my Mum had very kindly bought it for me, I cheated on it. Not just the one time - THREE times. The guilt is over-whelming, so I'm fessing up here.
I think the cheating started because I was almost determined to prove to myself that I couldn't find a dress I liked more anywhere. Then I'd know for sure that I'd found The One.
At first, I almost convinced myself I wasn't cheating. I booked an appointment at a very swanky Sydney department store under the proviso that I would be looking at accessories, shoes and veils only. Until I arrived - and once again, I was confronted by row upon row of dreamy gowns - and before I knew it I'd selected six and was in the fitting rooms, having myself an orgy of lace and tulle (why oh why can't I just let that one go!!?)
To my relief, I didn't find anything I liked more than my dress. I left feeling guilty but smug.
The second time I cheated happened during my lunch break - I found myself walking past a bridal shop and spotted a very princessy Rosa Clara number in the window - I just popped in and before I knew it, the zipper was closing and I was wearing it. Thank god the dress looked hideous on me - I actually resembled one of those toilet roll cover dolls that everyone's Nana has in their downstairs loo.
The third time, I have to confess, was pre-meditated. I saw a stunning gown - fishtail, edgy, gorgeous on a real bride in a bridal magazine so I hunted down the only store in Sydney that sells it and made an appointment. When I tried it on I loved it. Really loved it - it was gorgeous, it suited my shape and my five-foot nothing height. But the fabric wasn't quite as sumptuous as my dress. The corsetry wasn't quite as spectacular. It didn't cinch me in quite as much. I loved it, but I knew it wasn't really The One, or any nicer than The One I already had, at any rate.
I think deep-down I'm a little sad that now I've found The One, the quest is over, I won't be able to go dress shopping anymore. I'm also a little scared - what if, in three months time when I finally get my dress, I don't love it as much as I think I do. That's been a reality for a very close friend of mine - who went to collect her dress six months after ordering it then, upon trying it on, had a meltdown in the fitting room screaming 'Get me out of it, I hate this dress!'.
I'm scared of that being me. I guess it's a risk every bride takes. How can you ever really be sure you've made the right decision.

So I've stopped cheating and realised that there could always be another perfectly lovely dress that catches my eye, new dresses are coming out all the time - but I won't seek them out.

I've not told anyone about my cheating - I'm too embarrassed - but I wanted to share it with other brides to find out whether they've done the same - and I'm not quite as unhinged as I think I am.

Has anyone else out there cheated like me? I'd love to hear about it!

Yours truly, madly, deeply,

The Reality Bride xx

Dress-Shopping Fatigue Syndrome (DSFS)

Anyone in their right mind would think that, after being so desperate to buy something bridal (see Unhinged Bridal Behaviour Part 1) that being let loose in an actual bridal shop would give me the fix I needed.
And it did - for a while. Until, it seemed, I'd been to nearly every wedding dress shop in London and Sydney combined. Then, the novelty of standing around in my underwear, being laced, buttoned, pinned, squeezed and, at times, bull-dogged clipped, into well over 50 different dresses, the novelty started to wear off. And I still hadn't found The One.
I wasn't sure what I was expecting from wedding dress shopping - well, actually, I was - I envisioned lolling back on a chaise longue, sipping champagne as I was shown one breathtakingly beautiful gown after another, which all fitted me perfectly and looked frankly amazing.
I did not imagine standing under harsh strip lighting, in a room with about three other brides as we all eyeballed each other. Or being told I needed to lose a stone to wear a particular dress (thank you posh bridal shop in small village just outside London, I'm not naming names). Or being told I couldn't try on a dress I liked because it was 'over my budget'.
I'm not ashamed to admit that after THAT experience, I fantasised about doing a Pretty Woman, not the being a hooker bit of course, but barging back in there carrying a swathe of designer wedding dress bags, waving them around and booming "Big mistake, massive, huge!" before striding out again leaving an embarrassed shop assistant in my wake.
Then there was the time I was told a dress would look fine 'if I bought some Spanx and had a fake tan".
In fact, there were only a handful of shops who made the experience pleasurable and exciting - and those, the majority of which are in London, I am totally prepared to name if anyone is struggling to find somewhere that will make them feel amazing while they shop for the dress of their life.
It would have been fine, of course, if, when negotiating the dress shop minefield, I'd found The One. Or even something that was close to The One.
But 10 shops down, several weeks and a few GnTs later I was crying on my Mum's shoulder wailing "Wedding dresses just don't suit me!"
Again, it fell to my level-headed bridesmaid to point out I was suffering from Dress-Shopping Fatigue Syndrome. I had to admit she was right when, in one bridal shop, I was trying on a dress when it hit my that I'd already tried the exact same dress before and had totally forgotten.
It was time for a break, a breather, and to regroup. And then, something wonderful happened - the new 2013 bridal collections hit the shops. Fresh meat, if you will.
And when I went back to dress shopping after several weeks out of the game, first shop I went into, I pulled a dress off the rack and when I was fastened into it, I actually said 'Wow' to my own reflection.
When the changing room curtains were whisked aside, my Mum and my bridesmaid's mouths dropped open - there was no tears, just the sound of jaws dropping. And that was exactly the reaction I was hoping for. Forget tears - I wanted total knock-out. I'd found The One.
All it took was a visit to three more bridal shops to confirm it - yes, like some kind of dress-shopping sadist, I refused to believe my search was over until I had well and truly exhausted every avenue.

So, if like me, you might be suffering from Dress-Shopping Fatigue Syndrome, here are my top tips from combatting it:
1) Treat every bridal shop like it's the first time - take a deep breath and forget the past.
2) Never, ever, admit to the salesperson that you are suffering from Dress-Shopping Fatigue Syndrome -  they can smell a burnt out bride a mile off and will assume you are indecisive and then be less likely to give you the star-treatment because they will assume you are not a serious buyer. So, even if you've been to 100 shops, smile and say that you've only been to a couple so far and you are very much just starting out on your dress hunt. I found I got much better service approaching it this way.
3) Stop trying on dresses that don't suit you - after a few shops, you should get an idea of what suits you - and your shape - so of course, indulge your inner-princess at the start and try on everything, but if you are approaching burn-out, stick to what you know works.
4) Don't stand on the plinth/box they put you on for too long - you need to see how a dress looks at your true height - and being nine inches taller totally alters the perspective.
5) Say no to veils and accessories when you are trying on - it will only confuse you - the dress should stand out as the One on it's own - you can worry about the trimmings later.
6) There's always next season - November is when the new season dresses tend to show on the catwalks in London and NY - so they generally hit the shops around Dec to Jan ready for the following year. So make appts at bridal stores for when the new season drop hits - it's all about the fresh meat -  this tactic worked for me!

Hope this helps - and I'd love to hear about your dress-shopping experiences too, (might make me feel slightly less unhinged!)

Until the next time...

The Reality Bride x

Unhinged Bridal Behaviour Part 1- The Shoes Before The Dress?

Planning an overseas wedding like yours truly has it's disadvantages, mainly being that before you can actually visit the country of your nuptials to choose and book important things like venues, churches etc, in order to feel like you are really a bride, you spend a lot of time browsing wedding paraphenalia online. Unfortunately browsing can turn to shopping before you've even had time to register you've clicked 'add to cart'.
I wrote the above in the third person to justify my first moment of bridal madness. Sure this won't be the last, but I'm 'fessing up to you all, here goes...
My fiance and I planned a wedding-planning mission back to the UK where we're getting wed. We booked heaps of appointments at the venues we had our heart set on/were in love with and I also decided that being that it can take up to nine months to order a wedding dress, that it would be a smart move to cram in some dress shopping while I was in England. So we booked our flights to Blighty in March 2012 - leaving me six months with nothing but the internet to satisfy my wedding planning needs. Dangerous territory.
Browsing the endless websites and blogs dedicated to bridal Choos and Loubooties was simply never going to be enough. I WANTED TO OWN SOMETHING WEDDING RELATED.
Which is how I found myself at 1am clasping a glass of red wine and browsing an online sale of bridal footwear.
And there they were - a perfect pair of oyster-satin, platform peep-toed five-inchers - and they were in the sale. A snip at $90, when they should have been $250. It was love at first sight and before I knew it I was typing in my credit card details. There's no rush like it.
Or at least that was the case until they arrived. And my fiance took delivery. The convo went something like this:
Boy: A shoebox has arrived for you - thought you were saving up to buy some wedding shoes?
Me: I was, I mean, these are the wedding shoes (grabbing box and stashing in bedroom)
Boy: Thought you were going to wait until you'd found your dress?
Me: Well I'm not ok, they're perfect and I'll find a dress to match with THEM!
Boy: Right you are (confused expression)

My triumph was shortlived however - in private I tore open the box - the shoes were perfectly lovely but so high I could barely walk in them, even around the bedroom. Plus the soles were PURPLE. Yes - why the hell hadn't I checked before I bought in a stupid drunken moment of bridal madness?
In a flash I just knew - they weren't the ones for me. Oh, and because they were in the sale, no returns.

When I told my chief bridesmaid on Skype she said, very slowly "STOP SHOPPING ONLINE". I couldn't agree more - clearly me and my mouse are dangerous companions and can't be trusted.
But there's just one last thing I have to do before I begin my online shopping ban - put those frigging shoes on Ebay.

Until the next moment of madness, which won't be far away, I'm sure...

Yours truly, madly, deeply,

The Reality Bride x

To theme or not to theme?

Another week down, another week closer to the big day... another anxiety attack. Three people have asked this me this week what our wedding "theme" is going to be. Theme? Sorry - I thought I was getting married, not hosting a Moulin Rouge inspired burlesque night. But that question has sent my panic levels soaring. Maybe they're right - maybe every wedding needs a theme to tie it together. So, like a good little bride, I start making notes of things, activities and places myself and my partner like that could tie in with our venue. At first it's easy - we're both English so have envisaged tying the knot in the English countryside somewhere, in a country church then with a reception in a rustic barn.

So "rustic" is definitely one aspect of our theme. So far so good. Also on the list of things we like: travelling, beaches (got engaged on one) France, Australia, vintage furniture, dusty books, music, England, food and wine. So a rustic-vintage-beach themed wedding then? Is that even possible? And is that French rustic, or English rustic? Do we include the dusty books or are they superfluous? By the time I'm writing down that at the end of the reception we want to release Thai fire lanterns into the sky to incorporate an element of South East Asia into our wedding I'm so confused I'm actually saying my to fiance - "Maybe we just shouldn't have a wedding at all if we can't decide on a theme!"

It seems near on impossible to tie everything we love together. We're not one of those couples who wear 1950s clothes all the time and therefore want a vintage wedding complete with bunting, bicycles and braces for the groom. Or who love everything beachy to the point that we'd want to have a boat as a centrepiece at our wedding (see last week's blog!)

But maybe that's just it, maybe our theme has been there all along and I've just not noticed it . In a flash it hits me, one word to describe our big day, our key theme  - it's "confusion". Wonderful, ecletic confusion. A little bit rustic, a little bit English, a little bit French a little bit beachy. And very "us".

So that will be my answer next time someone asks me. I'm actually quite fascinated to see how it all turns out. Maybe, just maybe when it comes to themes, your wedding day is the one day when you can have it all.

Until next week...

The Reality Bride x

Bridal magazines are not about the articles

Don't get me wrong I love leafing through a glossy, wildy over-priced bridal magazine and swooning over the Wang with the best of them. The pictures are great, inspiring in fact.  It's just the words. And the wacky recommendations - that cause me to laugh and simultaneously feel inadequate because I'm not putting enough effort into the finer details of my own nuptials. To illustrate my point, I recently read: "For a nautical themed wedding pick up and old row boat from Ebay, customise it to your colour scheme and fill it with fresh flowers as a stunning centre-piece for your reception." I mean, what's a wedding without a customised rowing boat right? Or monogrammed cocktail stirrers with your new Mr & Mrs initials as I saw in one magazine.
 
However, my favourite tips are the bridal budget-busters: "Serve cooling homemade lemonade instead of bubbly at your reception to save on a costly champagne budget". Yep homemade lemonade is sure to get everyone up on the dancefloor. Another favourite is: "If you're worried about catering costs, hold a morning ceremony with a morning tea or breakfast reception, then you get to spend your entire wedding day with just your groom after everyone has left." Yeah, read stuffing your face with stale croissants in your wedding dress.   
 
I'd be the first to agree there's nothing like a bridal magazine for a little inspiration - but stick to the pictures. Bridal magazines are like Playboy - most definitely not about the articles.


Until next week...


The Reality Bride x

Is it wrong to be scared of your own nuptials?

A word of warning, this isn't going to be your usual wedding blog. I'm going to tell it how it is - a brutal account of the build-up to my wedding next year. I may be a journalist by trade but I won't be putting my name to this blog, it's going to be anonymous so I can really let rip for your reading pleasure. I hope you enjoy the ride until I finally make it up the aisle, and feel free to offer me your pearls of wedding wisdom...

To kick off the proceedings you may be thinking that it's not often that someone uses the words "brutal" and "wedding" in the same sentence eh? Nope. But at the moment that's exactly how I feel. I am literally terrified of my own wedding. Not marrying the Fiance - I am marrying him by choice despite how this sounds. That whole bit - and he - is amazing. In fact I can't wait to marry him. But now the engagement parties have dwindled and we're getting down to the nitty gritty I feel sick to the stomach when I think about the big day itself. All that organisation. The meticulous details. I sense planning my wedding is going to be like having a full time job. As well as actually having a full time job. And writing this blog of course. Where the hell do people find the time?

Which brings me on to the next topic - a small wedding is not an option. I admit wholeheartedly I want the whole shebang, bells and whistles (tasteful bells and whistles, with a nod to vintage) but going up the aisle quietly is not for me. I want it - I just can't face planning it. Where the hell do you start? Literally - where? The church? The venue? The dress? I know I'm already going to be useless at this because I've spent three months already deliberating where to start. But I don't want and can't afford to get someone else to plan it for me. 

I always swore to myself that I wouldn't be one of those brides who gets consumed by her wedding and let's it rule her life. At the moment I'm so terrified of it all that I'm internalising the whole thing - every time someone asks me how the planning is going I brush them off and change the subject. It's so bad that I've only just started buying bridal mags, despite being engaged for months  - it took me weeks of wondering whether I looked 'engaged' enough to legally buy bridal mags to finally pluck up the courage to buy one. I made sure I flashed my engagement ring at the till just in case the newsagent was in any doubt as to my bridal credentials. So already my non-existant wedding has consumed me. And not with excitement. What's wrong with me?

Until the next time.... 

The Reality Bride x